Help! 40 is coming!

Starting over...again!

2008-09-18T19:23:00.000-07:00

So...apparently I'm not the world's best blogger...who knew?!! Everytime I think I'm going to commit to keep up and write more consistently, I don't! So, at least that is consistent!

Let's just wait and see what I come up with tomorrow...

Fighting 40...

2008-06-11T19:55:00.000-07:00

Speaking from personal experience, here are some signs you may be having a mid-life crisis:

1. You trade in the family car for a Jeep – which, by the way is totally fun!

2. You start researching Botox.

3. Your teenage son begs you to put on something that shows a little less cleavage.

4. You have recently had your navel pierced.

5. You are going to your first Hip-Hop concert this Friday night.

6. You are 37 years old...

When, exactly do I have to grow up? I turn 38 in a couple of weeks and I wonder if I’ll consider myself an adult then. So far, I don’t think of myself as one. I wonder if by the time I turn 40, in 2 more years, if I will know who I am. Will I have “found” myself?

Is Summer Here YET???!!!

2008-06-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

Terrence Trent Darby...I know I have been slacking! I'm so sorry! Here's the scoop:

I haven't been blogging like I want to be and I'm sorry, but time just gets away from me! Here's a little update on life at the Timmons.

Paul is starting his 3rd college course of the year tonight. Some computer class that I'm sure he is thrilled about. He's been working his hiney off at his Grandpa's house with his dad. They have been painting and ripping up carpet to get the place ready to sell. The other night, he was called out at 11:30p.m. on a SWAT call. He got home at about 3:30a.m. Haven't had one of those nights in a long time.

Braden just got rubber bands on his braces today. Weird. Sometimes he looks so old to me and then he smiles his big ol' shiny smile. I LOVE his braces! He is officially a 9th grader now. Breaks my heart! We are sending him away to Nebraska at the end of June for a wrestling camp at the college. He will go with his new high school team. I'm sure I will be a nervous wreck while he is gone!

Colt da' Bolt is great. He just finished baseball season and a heck of a hit at the game. We just signed him up for football. It will be his 3rd year with his team. He is now officially a 5th grader and will rule the school!

I...I...well...I am tired! I wish I could say something else right now, but I just feel flat out tired! We've had so much running around to do lately and just want a break. Alas, there is no end in sight so I better just suck it up!

Timmons Tidbits...

2008-05-28T19:39:00.000-07:00

The school year is almost over!

Braden is almost an official high-schooler.

Colton is almost an official 5th grader.

Charlie turned 12 last weekend...he's such a good boy, but can't hear worth a darn anymore.

Paul finished another college course. Thank goodness biology is over!

Oh yea...and I have cramps...just thought I'd toss that in for flavor.

P.S. They really hurt....

Makes me happy....

2008-05-22T20:34:00.000-07:00

...my new Guess shadow handbag

...my new (used) Jeep Liberty (with leather seats and butt warmers)

...yes...my new Jeep matches my new purse...ahhhhh

Sometimes it's just a lot...

2008-05-15T16:33:00.000-07:00

May has brought with it a new life experience for me. It was not a particularly good one, but at the same time it wasn’t horrible either. I don’t know how to describe it exactly and just keep telling friends that I talk to that it was, “a lot.” When I try to deal with events or situations that come up, I usually over-analyze things. I dissect the incident, collect and process the data, talk a lot about it, figure out what to do with it, and then act if necessary. The thing is, I don’t know what to do with “this.” There is nothing to solve. There is nothing to act on. It is just something that happened and there is really nothing “to do” with it. That is hard for me.

Paul’s grandfather passed away May 4th. His family all around him, he took his last breaths. It was very, for lack of a better word, weird to watch a man die and not try to stop it. It was his time. His 85 year old body was done.

As we all sat and took turns sitting around Grandpa, there was point when his breathing calmed and wasn’t so labored. My mother-in-law, Sharon, sat to Grandpa’s left and I sat across from her on Grandpa’s right. She looked up at me and asked me to say a prayer.

As I prayed, I know that I stumbled over every, single word that came out of my mouth. I just remember wanting Sharon to be proud of me and wanting to give her what she needed to hear at that moment. I wanted so badly to utter some great words of wisdom or profound eloquence. Believe me, there was none of that. I remember asking God to give Grandpa peace and to let him know it was ok to go on. I had the great privilege of holding his right hand as he left us. Grandpa loved the Lord very much and was a solid church-going Baptist who I’m sure had quite the party waiting for him in Heaven.

I have never before held someone’s hand and watched them pass. I have since then often questioned my place that night and wonder why I got to do that for Grandpa with so much of his family there. I am thankful that I that I got to be a part of something so special.

As I said, there is nothing “to do” with all of this. It was just very simply, a lot.

Cancun!

2008-05-01T18:35:00.000-07:00

Cancun was the best time ever!!! So relaxing. So warm and sunny. So humid that my hair was a total lost cause the entire time. There wasn’t enough Biosilk in the world to tame that frizz.

May Day!

2008-05-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

The first day of May has been nothing short of FREEZING COLD!!! Snow anyone? No matter how long I live in Colorado, the weird weather here never ceases to amaze and annoy me.

May Days:
1. I want to decorate my back patio and buy several hanging baskets full of flowers to hang on my deck between the posts. I also want a few pots full of petunias out there.
2. My god-daughter graduates this month, which means a party and a gift to buy!
3. My best friend’s birthday is this month, which means a party and a gift to buy!
4. Mother’s Day is this month…hmmm…do you see the pattern yet???
5. I would like to take the boys to Glenwood Springs for a weekend away.
6. Not counting the game cancellation today due to the snow, Colton has 11 baseball games this month.
7. For the moment Braden is taking a breather…we have meetings to go and have to decide this month which wrestling camps he will go to and when.

Happy May Day to All and to all a good night!

He can take it...

2008-04-02T17:54:00.000-07:00

Last week at church, when we went to sit down and start the service, each chair had a small square of paper and pencil on it. There was a large, wooden cross laid on the steps of the stage at the front of the room.

At the end of the sermon, Pastor Dave asked us to write down what we thought was our biggest sin on that square of paper. Whatever it was that we were carrying around with us. Whatever it was that we couldn’t forget or let go of. Whatever secrets that are so terrible they are never whispered to even our closest friend.

When we walked up to the front of the church to take part in communion, we could then take a hammer and nail our folded up scrap of paper to the cross.

I will say, it was a very symbolic gesture. To see what I think is so very big, on a small scrap of paper, nailed to a heavy, sturdy cross. The nails popped through the papers like they were nothing. No matter what anyone wrote on those papers, the cross could take it.

Timmons Tidbits...

2008-03-31T16:57:00.000-07:00

The last day of March...it is snowing here...is it spring? is it winter? I'm so confused!

Spring Break is over and the boys are back in school! Yippee!

10 days until we blast-off for Cancun!

Paul has started a new class...Essentials of Biology...so far, so good!

Braden is now into the Freestyle/Greco wrestling season as opposed to Collegiate.

Colton's baseball is going great...aside from the weather! He is still in practices and with games starting in 2 weeks.

Tomorrow is April Fool's Day...look out!

Fighting fair...

2008-03-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

I am loving my, “Getting in Touch with your Inner Bitch (IB)" desk calendar! I don’t exactly come away with something earth-shattering and life-changing every day, but a lot of it does really stick with me.

Here is the most recent page that struck me, “Your IB wants you to fight fair—because she knows there’s an enormous difference between speaking your mind and obliterating the other person.”

How true is that??!! I think that statement can apply to so many areas of my life, whether it is work or personal, living life with integrity is not always easy to do.

Sometimes simply sticking up for yourself is rough! Doing it with our heads held high can be even rougher! Taking the high road instead doing what we really want to do -- slap someone silly -- takes concentrated thought and effort. In the end, however, I believe it makes us better people.

2008-03-23T09:28:00.001-07:00

Timmons Tidbits...

2008-03-18T17:13:00.000-07:00

Things are good! Easter is coming! We have plans to go out for a late lunch/early dinner with Grandpa and Grandma to our favorite steak place!

Last weekend was Anne's funeral service. The one thing they kept saying over and over again was how she smiled through it all and never gave up...amazing...

Braden got to ride his new dirtbike all weekend with his best buddy, Kyle, up in Grand Junction. He came home happy, tired, and with a broken rear fender...not too shabby for his first time on this bike! He is a great rider!!!

Colton and I hung out with our best buddies, Leslie and Kasen, most of the weekend and had a great time! We had sleepovers, ate Chipotle, had Starbucks and even enjoyed a trip to the mall!

Paul worked a lot, but is enjoying a break from school --- he got an A in his first class back to college! Yea for Paul!!! I took him for his first pedicure on Sunday for our date. He was very skeptical at first, but enjoyed it!

23 days til we leave for Cancun!!!

Tonight is Colton's drum concert at the elementary school...I'm sure I won't come home with a headache at all...

...love never fails...

...and a time to die...

2008-03-11T18:29:00.000-07:00

The young woman that lives next door with her parents is dying. She is 27 years old and has 2 little girls. Her parents brought her home this past weekend to die. Even as I write this, I have no idea if Anna is still here on this Earth or not. Her little cancer-ravaged body is just done and can no longer fight.

This is a family of very strong Catholics and when Rudy came to me yesterday, sobbing uncontrollably in my driveway, he managed to tell me that he thinks Anna has accepted the Lord. In this most heart-breaking of times, this father is clinging to the fact that he will see his only daughter again in Heaven.

I can not imagine, nor do I want to, just exactly what they are going through. Just waiting for this imminent death to come, but not knowing exactly when it will arrive has got to be so draining. I am sure on one hand that this has been the longest weekend of their lives, and yet, I am sure they are not ready for it to end.

I am looking at this situation, full of sadness, my heart breaking for these little girls that will now grow up without a mommy. I am looking at these parents losing their child. “My baby, my baby…” is all Rudy can say through his tears when you see him.

Beth is stoic, "A rock," as Rudy says. She is one of the strongest women I have ever met. She was her daughter’s care taker at birth and is now as she awaits death. I am sure she never dreamed this could happen and yet, what a priveledge to be able to be there for your child's first...and last breaths of this life. Beth told me last night that you find strength you never knew you had with the Lord.

Death often brings us to a state of self-reflection. In watching this earthly life of Anna's fade, I am thankful for so many things. I am thankful, of course for my family's health, and for all of the people in our lives who are important to us.

In this life quest for happiness, what can I take from this?

1. I do not want to live with regret where the relationships in my life are concerned.
2. I want to live strong. I want to figure out exactly who I am and do it on purpose...
3. I want to keep life in perspective -- I want only the big things to matter...

Timmons' Tidbits...

2008-03-06T17:48:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's been so long since I've written! My, my how time flies! I promise to do better!

Colton did GREAT at baseball assessments last weekend! The winter camp he went to really paid off! We have heard that he gets to be on Coach Kevin's team again and we are thrilled!

Braden did NOT do so great at the Allstate Wrestling Tournament last weekend. His wrestling was awesome, as usual, but his 2nd opponent tossed him on his head and it was a doosey! Poor Braden doesn't even remember the match! The trainer examined him for a concussion, and found him to be fine...but, UGH!!! Scarey!!!

Paul has his final exam tonight in his first class back at college! YEA FOR PAUL! He is already signed up for his next one---Essential Biology....maybe he'll find out how babies are made!

I am fine...work is good...house is a mess...but for the most part all is well! Daily pursuing happiness...

...Love never fails...

Bits and pieces...

2008-02-24T16:58:00.000-08:00

For our date this weekend, Paul and I went to see "Fools Gold." Matthew McConaughey......all I can say is YUMMY!

The Oscars are tonight...can't wait to see who wears what!

Tomorrow will begin week 3 of "The Crud." Will this cough never end?

Currently loving "Our Song" by Taylor Swift.

....love never fails...

Updates on my quest for happiness...

2008-02-20T18:35:00.000-08:00

Just an FYI--I would rather refer to my life right now as a quest for happiness than “trying to find myself.” “Trying to find myself” just makes me think I should be back-packing through Europe with big, hairy armpits and eating granola.

So far, the road on this quest for happiness has been, well, to be honest, a lot better than I thought!

I am at the point were every day is a chance to start over. I mean each and every day. This may sound very simplistic and naïve, I know, but right now I am waking up to a new start every morning. Today is a chance to be better than I was yesterday. Every new day brings with it a chance to think before I speak – a chance to say, “What am I thinking” rather than to wake up and say, “What was I thinking?” Every new day brings with it a hope that I am closer to being who I want to be, to having the marriage I need to have, to being the mom I know I can be, to being the friend and even employee I want to be.

I really haven’t felt this way in a long time. I was in the habit of waking up and often, dreading the day before me. I could only look at all the mistakes I made yesterday and swam in the guilt of them. I would feel the hurt for days because I couldn’t let an argument go. I am realizing I can not change the past, but I can make today good.

There are days I wake up and it takes a lot out of me to “start over.” I have been in such a habit of holding on to things that it takes me a lot of energy to let go of them. I know that may sound off, but it’s not always easier to let go. It’s not easy to admit when you’re the one at fault. I have been holding on to issues. Holding on to arguments that take me days to get over. Holding on to things that really aren’t worth my time or attention. I lost perspective in a lot of areas of my life and feel a huge sense of relief that I am regaining that.

Reminders to myself:
1. Take time EACH day for me. Even just 10 minutes to clear my head and think helps. 20 minutes with People magazine in the tub is even better!
2. Look at my life day by day...I get overwhelmed when I look to far in advance. When I look how busy my whole next weekend is, it is just too much for me. I can do it day by day though. One day at a time….
3. I do believe God honors our sincerest efforts. I do believe love never fails…
4. I can only control myself…I can only change myself…I can not control how others treat or see me, but only I choose whether or not I will allow it.

Not just yet...

2008-02-19T17:02:00.001-08:00

Maybe I am having some sort of mid-life crisis, but the other day I told a co-worker that I was thinking of getting my navel pierced – Mom, please stay calm….breathe…breathe…

Anyway, this “friend” exploded and exclaimed, “What?! Are you 12?”

Being well on my way to turning 40, I have been thinking about her comment a lot. Not because I care what she thinks, but because I have been wondering when and if I have to grow up someday. If I choose to grow up, does that mean no more shopping in the junior section and cutting off my hair? Does it mean removing my tattoo and tossing out my knee high boots? Does it mean no more dancing at the clubs and purchasing only sensible underwear?

Why can’t I get my navel pierced if I’m 37? As much as I don’t want to be all mature and serious, I don’t want to be the old lady at the grocery store wearing a halter top and having people whispering behind my back that I am too old for my outfit!

There has got to be a balance between not embarrassing my children and getting through a mid-life crisis. When I find that balance, I’ll let you know…for now, I’m off to the mall to browse the body jewelry and may even stop by junior’s section at Macy’s while I’m still young…

Bits and pieces...

2008-02-19T16:59:00.000-08:00

I have been sick, sick, sick! Now I believe I am plagued with the cough that never ends…

51 days til Cancun…

After 6 ½ years, Dumbo, the guinea pig, has passed on.

Braden has registered for high school!

I gave all of my “men” new swim trunks for Cancun for Valentine’s Day. Paul gave me a new Precious Moments….I will love you all ways...

Today's Lesson...

2008-02-07T16:59:00.000-08:00

Children, today’s topic is: Talking Out of One’s Butt. This is a serious issue in today's world and is not to be taken lightly. When someone talks out of their butt, it is usually taken offensively, resulting in hurt feelings and broken friendships. It can also just make the person who committed the talking out of the butt look flat out stupid.

There are a couple of different types of Butt-talkers. First, and often the most easily spotted is the Know-it-all Butt-talker. We have all encountered this person at one time or another. They claim to know everything about anything and don’t hesitate to tell you what they know…which is really a lot of nothing about the dwindling penguin populations. You walk away from a conversation with this person with a bad taste in your mouth and the knowledge you have wasted precious time that you can never get back. This person is wrong 98% of the time, but unable to admit it and wants nothing less than to impress us, all the while doing nothing of the sort.

Another type is the Foot-in-Mouth Butt-talker. This has tragically hit many of us at one point or another. Although this isn't known to make you a horrible person, this sort of butt talking makes you feel about so big (I am putting my pointer finger and thumb together right now). This person doesn’t think before they speak and says things such as, the classic, “When are you due?” to a woman who is anything but pregnant. I am sad to say I have spoken out of my butt quite a few times over my 37 years, but never while sober...

Perhaps the worst of all is the Judging Butt-talker. “Too bad you paid so much for that hair style.” At first glimpse it sounds like they think your hair looks like something the cat barfed up. They really could have meant it as, you could have gotten the same great style for less, which, still, who are they to criticize how much you pay for your hair cuts???? Unless the person is your mother, and you are living in her basement and can’t pay rent because you just paid Trey 84 dollars for the Katie Holmes bob…then people should tell you your hair looks great and just zip it!

All I am trying to people is this...where are our manners? Is what we have to say so important? We should try not only listening, but trying to see things from another's point of view. If you have an opinion to offer, then great, but why not check to see if it is wanted first?

Just another day trying for "What am I thinking?" rather than, "What was I thinking?"

Today's Challenge: Finding the Good in Mondays

2008-02-04T17:00:00.000-08:00

You know the routine…the alarm clock blares, you fall out of bed, somehow or another you manage to either clean up or stick a paper sack on your head and get to work. Upon your arrival, you are greeted by cranky, tired, and let's be honest - hungover - co-workers and as you pass each other in the hall, you offer up the traditional American greeting, “Monday’s suck!”

Maybe Mondays are just getting a bad rap. Seeing as how we (yes, I am dragging you along with me) are journeying on this quest for happiness, let’s see how many positive Monday traits we can come up with. Maybe Monday is really our favorite day of the week and we just don’t know it! Here goes:

1. If you’re a Stay-at-home Mom and your kids are old enough, it’s back to school they go! Yippee! The house is all yours, Sista!

2. At Texas Roadhouse it is Kids Eat Free night.

3. In Colorado, the liquor stores are closed on Sunday, so if the well has run dry, you can now re-load the liquor cabinet!

4. The new sales that were advertised in the Sunday newspaper are still going and the malls are less crowded than on the weekend.

5. You’ll no longer be charged a zillion dollars for a weekend call due to a plugged up toilet.

This challenge is much harder than it looks…I have come to the conclusion that yes, Monday’s do just flat out suck. The free dinner at The Roadhouse is great, but who can go with all of this wrestling practice still going on (or whatever sport/activity your kid does)?

After the weekend do I really need a trip to the liquor store? I think not.

The only time I have to shop is on the weekend so the less crowded Monday stores are just a fantasy.

My toilet, thank goodness, is not plugged up at this time. If it was, I am not above making everyone “go” out in the backyard so as to save money and not pay for a weekend call to the plumber.

All I can is, Rock on…it’s one day closer to Friday…

Bits and pieces...

2008-02-04T16:59:00.000-08:00

That extra “r” in February is annoying.

It is cold and snowing. If I ever see that SOB Punxatawney Phil I won’t hesitate to run his a*& over.

3 glasses of Tuaca on ice at one sitting is more than plenty…but yummy…

Currently loving Maroon 5's, "Wake Up Call."

More odds and ends...

2008-01-31T18:35:00.000-08:00

It is cold and the dog is barking to come inside. He is spoiled rotten these days.

It is the last day of January...70 days until Cancun!

I am feeling hopeful today of things yet to come but at the same time very tired.

I am loving my "Getting to know your IB" calendar.

Tomorrow is Friday...always a plus in my book!

I just don't know anyone gets any work done, what with just worrying all day about Brittany being back in the hospital and everything...oh dear...will the Spears Saga ever end?

...love never fails...

Mondays aren't so bad afterall...

2008-01-28T17:15:00.000-08:00

Today...my husband gave me flowers. They were in a vase on the dinner table when I got home from work and they were beautiful.

...love never fails...

What am I thinking?

2008-01-24T18:01:00.000-08:00

So, you will all be happy to know (all of 2 of you that are known to read this blog) that I have decided upon a life motto for 2008. I wish I could say that I thought of it myself, but let’s be honest…I’m busy!

I bought one of those little block desk calendars last night at the mall. I had a Far Side one for 2007 and it was nice to peel off a page every morning at work and have something to make me smile. Trish has a Dumb Office Dare of the Day calendar, which is really what I was looking for. She emails a Dumb Dare to me daily and it cracks me and my co-workers up! So far I like the one where you look up to the ceiling and shout, “Yes, Mom, I hear you!” during a meeting best.

What I settled on…and please forgive me for I don’t mean to offend anyone…is a year of “Getting in Touch with your Inner Bitch.” But, wait! It isn’t what you think! It is not 365 pages of lessons in How to be Mean. It’s more about standing up for and being true to yourself. I think that in this quest to find my own happiness those are very important things.

Maybe it’s not titled in the absolute nicest of ways, but it is based on Elizabeth Hilt’s book which the Barnes & Noble website describes as this: “Have you ever said "yes" when you meant "no"? Wanted to give someone a piece of your mind and eaten a piece of cake instead? How about the whole cake? If you're nodding in agreement at this point, you may be suffering from Toxic Niceness, a condition that will only be stopped by getting in touch with that integral, powerful part of each of us which is going unrecognized. It's the Inner Bitch. Don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. The Inner Bitch (IB) is the Bette Davis in each of us, walking around with a cigarette in one hand, a martini in the other, calling a dump a dump. The Inner Bitch calls it as she sees it. This is the end of Toxic Niceness as we know it.”

So, today being the 24th, I had 23 pages to rip off and read immediately. The one that struck me the most says this, “How about making ‘what am I thinking?’ your mantra this year? Because your IB knows that is beats ‘what was I thinking? any day.

That’s it…my motto for 2008…”What am I thinking?” I am hoping that living by this motto will help me to slow down. I want to think before I act. I want to make good, healthy choices not only for my family and friends, but for myself.

Quack! Quack!

2008-01-23T17:44:00.000-08:00

Today’s issue is dressing for your profession.

I had my annual “girly parts” exam today. Need I say more? The word, “Yucky” pretty much sums up this event.

Now, I don’t have to tell you that I was a bit surprised when the Nurse Practitioner walked in the exam room. She was, I assume, older than me…so let’s say she was around 42. She was caucasian, yet her dark brown hair was braided into corn rows. Not many white women other than Bo Derek have been known to pull that off. She had on a white medical coat, which seems normal enough, until you see it paired with what I can only describe as brown and red plaid golf knickers. What’s missing, you ask? Of course matching brown and plaid tennis shoes – only they weren’t missing, they were on her feet along with white crew socks pulled up to her calves.

Oddly enough, I didn’t run through the hall screaming, “ACK! Who let the caddy into exam room one!” She seemed very knowledgeable, just quirky…like a 42 year old Punky Brewster. Great, now I’ll end up having nightmares about Soliel Moon Frye chasing me through a hospital with a metal duck…

Bbrrrrrrrrr!!!!!

2008-01-22T17:28:00.000-08:00

Our high here today is a balmy 31 degrees – up 16 degrees from yesterday’s high of 15! All I can say is Global Warming/Schmobal Borming! What global warming?! I am freezing! I might welcome a little global warming should it come my way!

Today has been a myriad of events! Via email, I have found out it is once again “Buddy” day, “Best Friends” Day, “Love You Like a Sister” Day, and “Love Your Baby Dressed Up as a Dog” Day. And me without a Hallmark store nearby!

I worked out this morning for the first time in a long while! Yea for me! I may not have been too good about my resolution not to procrastinate on my New Year’s Resolutions, but at least we have a start!

Love never fails….

Odds & Ends....

2008-01-21T19:08:00.001-08:00

The weekend was relatively quiet for once! Very nice to have some time to just chill out and get some things done.

I was reminded today of the verse, “Love never fails.”

My back is feeling better…not perfect, but much better.

Currently loving the “Clumsy” song by Fergie.

Trying….making an effort...

Owwwww!

2008-01-18T17:59:00.000-08:00

Starting this blog on a whim, the only name I could think of at the time was, Help! 40 is coming! Today is a perfect example of that very statement.

I have been in pain for 2 solid days. I have no idea what I did or how I did it (early sign of alzheimers I'm sure), but my upper back has been killing me. Right between my shoulder blades, on up to my neck has been nothing but a big ball of pain. A sure sign that I am getting old. First back pain, next thing you know I'm a greeter at the local Walmart. It's all downhill from here, folks! (And no, you can't share my employee discount!)

The doctor told me he could see the muscles spasming and gave me a prescription for a muscle relaxant. Hallelujah!

So, I am on my way with a glass of wine, a lot of advil and a flexeril. Where am I going, you ask? I have no clue and I couldn't care less....I told you...flexeril.....where am I?

A Set Back....

2008-01-16T17:05:00.000-08:00

I have the biggest zit on my chin. It is like nothing this planet has ever seen before. This is not helping with my whole quest for happiness deal.....arrrggg.....

Beware....I'm in a mood.....

2008-01-15T18:46:00.000-08:00

Do you choose to be happy or does it just magically happen? That is my question of the day. Don’t some people just seem to wake up in a good mood? For that matter, who hasn’t woken up and found themselves to be wearing their cranky pants for no apparent reason at all? Does it work both ways?

Lately, I feel that trying to be happy is a lot of work. Does it have to be? How did this happen and when did just being able to be happy become such a chore? Did life’s circumstances get in the way? What role have I played in this? Have I just simply allowed outer events and those around me to influence my mood that drastically? Do outer forces control my happiness or do I? That is a scary question, because if it really is all just up to me, then I have no excuse for being miserable.

What is happiness to me? What is it to you? Please tell me what you think it looks like. I guess to me, it is an inner thing --- a soul thing if you will – I’m hoping that doesn’t sound too corny. I feel happy when my mind is at peace (not an easy task for those of us with anxiety issues), when I am not worrying or stressed out, when I feel I am loved, when I think I am necessary.

What if I’m not loved or needed…..will I be able to be happy then? I am sooooooo trying to figure this out.

Problem #1: I depend on others for my happiness and often my self-worth. It is no one’s fault that I am not happy but my own.

Problem #2: I don’t think of myself as a strong person. I am surrounded by very strong personalities and feel like a failure at times because I am not like them. I allow that.

Problem #3: I am out of wine……this is soooooooo not right.

My personal route to happiness list:
1. I can not take responsibility for circumstances out of my control.
2. I can only control myself, my attitude, my words, my actions.
3. Take time each and every day, even if it’s only 10 minutes, for me.
4. Do at least a little something for someone else.
5. Focus on the good.

Motto needed.....

2008-01-09T13:46:00.000-08:00

I need a theme for 2008 and am trying to figure out what will work best for me. My friend, Julie, has adopted the motto – Keep it simple – for the new year. That has been her advice to me. “Keep it simple,” she says, when life seems too confusing and I don’t know what to do. Stop worrying about everyone else! Just do what you yourself can manage and keep it simple. Huh…just the advice I need when my anxiety is out of control and I need to focus.

My sister’s motto is similar, yet has a different twang to it – F*&k it to the world! – meaning, and correct me if I’m wrong, Trish, “Why worry????? The heck with it and who cares?!”

In 2006 Brenda’s favorite saying was, “Everybody’s doin’ it!” to, “Good times all the time!” in 2007. These both make a lot more sense when you are drinking with her……not necessarily the advice or the motto I would give to my kids or live by…but super fun to scream at the top of your lungs in a bar just the same.

I can’t remember the year, but Jenni vowed to go with, “Don’t be offended by that which was not intended to offend.” I don’t know how that panned out for her, but I do think of it from time to time so it must have made an impression on me. That was also the year she made a resolution to have a different hair color every month and started January with black! Wow!

There has got to be something suitable for me. Something to remind me that I am working on the person I want to be. Any suggestions?

Cancun, here I come!

2008-01-08T14:38:00.001-08:00

So, my winter blues just got a little better.....we have officially booked our spring trip to an all-inclusive resort in Cancun! Updates to follow.....

Winter Blues

2008-01-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

Winter is hard time of year for me. Being born and raised in Las Vegas I’m sure has a lot to do with the fact that all this snow and cold that I live with now is quite depressing at times. I do enjoy the seasonal changes that Colorado has to offer. The red and yellow leaves in the fall are tremendous. Shoot, just having a Fall is nice. But, once the cold really settles in, I just tend to get flat out sad.

Seeing as how I have a couple of more months to go of winter, I need to figure out how to combat this Seasonal Depression that I’ve got going.
New blogging site – check!
New awesome boots for the winter – in black and brown – check! and check!
Antidepressant – check!

For awhile I may be blogging simply about any positive that I can find in each day. Today my happy thought will be that my sister loves me more than Andre’ the Giant.

Root Rot

2008-01-06T15:28:00.000-08:00

The weekend is nearly over and I am exhausted!

I have an awful case of root rot going on and have purchased a box of Loreal that will hopefully cure it within the hour.

My 13 year old took 3rd place yesterday and today in 2 different wrestling tournaments. Next weekend - STATE finals! Yipes!

My 10 year old has mananged to finally remove the ARMY hoodie he's been wearing since Christmas so I can wash it.....will miracles never cease?

2008....Resolutions!

2008-01-04T13:26:00.000-08:00

Dearest Self,
Welcome to day 2 of becoming an official blogster. I wish I had some profound thought such as, “Let every day be an adventure into the soul,” or, “Happiness is being a child at heart and in your soul.” (All deep thoughts must have something to do with your soul.) Let’s be honest, all I can come up with is, “Dear, God, I’m tired and I want to go home, climb in my bed and close my eyes.” P.S. A large glass of wine wouldn’t hurt.

In addition to writing this blog, another 2008 resolution of mine is to do better at my job. So, the whole….God, I want to go home thing isn’t really helping with my attitude. I enjoy my job and my work, but who wouldn’t rather be on a beach somewhere relaxing than be at a desk? I have just been very unmotivated lately and I am hoping to change that in myself.

Resolution #3 on my list of resolutions as opposed to my grocery list, is to be a lot more careful with my budget. Not very original, I know, but a good, solid plan none the less.

Resolution #4 is of course to lose a little weight…..again, extremely unoriginal, but necessary if I’m not planning on buying an entire new wardrobe that will fit me. See how 3 and 4 tie in together? I’m already on a roll!

I am sure you are asking, what about resolutions to be a better wife and mother? What about being a better friend? What about reading the Bible --- and I don’t mean more --- I mean just reading it period? I am not making those resolutions this year. I am tired of failing at them.

What I am going to do, however, is make a resolution to try harder at being the person I want to be. I don’t know what exactly that looks like right now. I know that in 2008 I want to be a happier person. I know I want to be more careful about the choices I make. I am hoping that everything else just falls in line...in the end, making me a better, wife, mother, friend and person.

A Simple Start

2008-01-03T17:31:00.000-08:00

2008 is here and along with it, my resolution to write. My great friend, Teri, AKA Terrance of Oliver, AKA Terrence Trent Darby, AKA Sherard, has convinced me that I need to get a blog going.

I wish I could say I was off to a slammin' start, but alas, I am off to take my son to wrestling practice....may the wonders of motherhood never cease!